My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You smell like stripper and shame
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
