I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
