She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
