you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
