Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
