i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
