i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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