I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
