I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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