dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
