Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Someone signed my nipple.
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