If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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