But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
