I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
