dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
