so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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