And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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