FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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