ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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