You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
