I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
