Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
