During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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