her vagine was all disorganized.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i out mim tonsoeep
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
