We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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