Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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