i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
