i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
