I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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