then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
