Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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