i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
