I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
