oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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