Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
