it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
