So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
