Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you get engaged???
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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