You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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