I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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