Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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