last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
