Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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