i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
