Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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