My room smells like vodka and shame
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
