When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
