Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You made out with two different species that night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
