Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This baby is an asshole
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
