Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
