You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
