I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
