I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
