So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
