ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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