I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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