whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
