oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
